"Self-consciousness, however, does hinder the experience of the present. It is the instrument that unplugs all the rest." ----Annie Dillard

There are people sitting in beach chairs, looking out over the waves, along the long and expansive horizon. The clouds tower above the horizon appearing as giant mountains. College guys in sunglasses play bocce ball to your left. 10 minutes ago you saw some teenagers aggressively playing Spike Ball down near the pier. Women in bikinis layout in long beach chairs aspiring to get a tan. A man with shades wears a gigantic straw hat to block the sun and holds Corona beer in his hand, while he simultaneously adjusts his small Bluetooth wireless speaker so that it syncs with his iPhone. He looks slightly disappointed.

This is a day at Atlantic Beach. And when I arrive at days like this I have a habit of being both self-conscious and judgmental. Why are these people opting-out of swimming in the ocean? Scenes like this are often the reason I consider myself a “mountains person.”

But then, I will swim in the surf with a friend and reconsider it all. In April of 2021, my friend Jack Kimes and his wife Caroline called me spontaneously to say “We are coming to Atlantic Beach! Right now!” I promised to meet them right after work. It was 5pm when I showed up, and I walked out on the beach and saw Jack. His upper body was reddish-pink. He said, “I’ve been out here all day long!” Jack had taken on the role of the fun dad, boogie boarding, building sandcastles, throwing a frisbee with his 8 year daughter and his 4 year old son. While Jack did get sunburnt, it did not affect his devotion to the ocean.

I said, “Do you wanna swim?”

So we went out into the ocean. The April water was cold and I said to myself “Baptize yourself.” I dove into the cold----wave after wave. I made a conscious choice to stay in the water and after about 5 minutes I forgot that it was cold.

Jack started bodysurfing. Jack’s enthusiasm for body-surfing made me wonder “When had I become such a boring person?”

I felt alive. I felt refreshed. And at that point, I learned the same lesson again------when you go to the beach------you must swim in the surf. Surfer-Journalist William Finnegan describes it like this:

“Waves were the playing field. They were the goal. They were the object of your deepest desire and adoration. At the same time, they were your adversary, your nemesis, even your mortal enemy. The surf was your refuge, your happy hiding place, but it was also a hostile wilderness—a dynamic, indifferent world.”

I keep having to relearn this same lesson. I forget that waves are a playing field for a number of reasons. Playing in the waves can be boogie boarding, body surfing, just diving into the waves, or letting the waves hit you. Jack and I were swimming at about 5:30pm at Atlantic Beach-------but there was nobody there to observe us, to disapprove of our enjoyment or child-like behavior.

I believe I stopped body surfing at about the age of 15 years old. It seemed only people below the age of 15 “played” in the waves. I have no memory of getting in the ocean when I went to Senior Week in 2002 right after I graduated from high school at 18. And between 19 and 30, it seemed the custom for adults to stare out at the waves, enjoy the beauty of the ocean, read a book on the beach, have a good conversation with family members, discuss the fishing trip for the next day or negotiate with those around you the 5pm dinner plans. All of these things are part of the beach experience and are good, especially when it is about 87 degrees.

But at times, I feel a kind of frustration and stagnation well up within me, which resulted in asking two questions (1) “Why is everyone staring at the ocean?” and (2) “How can I persuade someone to go swimming in the ocean with me?” I typically want someone to swim with me because I don’t want to swim alone with a whole audience of 200 spectators.

Over the last year, I’ve had to take matters into my own hands by swimming alone. In September of 2020, a group of friends and I met at the beach for my birthday. The waves were kicking that day. I tried to persuade my friends to come with me, everyone said it was too cold. I even tried to guilt-trip people into swimming with me as a birthday "wish." So I said to my friends “Hey everyone, please watch me swim in the ocean. If I get sucked out into the ocean, you will know how I died.” The waves were my enemy and I went to battle with them. Below is a picture my friend Naomi took of me swimming alone on September 20, 2020:

The waves I saw in September 2020 were some of the biggest waves I've ever seen in NC. I knew it would be stupid to try to swim out that far out. So instead I just played around in the surf and let the waves hit me after they had crashed, as you can see in the picture above. I knew the riptides were a real threat----but I had to do it. I got pummeled by wave after wave for about 20 minutes. Part of the thrill of this day was the coldness of the water and the exhaustion of fighting the ocean.

My dad taught me how to be a participant at Myrtle Beach when I was 8 years old. I have an early memory of swimming in the late afternoon surf------when the waves were the roughest. My parents had told me that waves were the biggest around 4pm. But I felt safe because when the big waves were coming he would hold onto my small forearm and let me flail in the waves in the surf. I would stand up in the water and another wave would come and I would be thrown around in a washing machine of the salt-water. With my small hands I vaguely remember grabbing my dad’s arm. But he held onto me more than I held onto him. I remember his firm grip on my arm as I flailed around in the waves. My dad was not afraid, nor was I afraid.

There are real dangers in swimming in the sea. Riptides are real. Sharks bite people. Yet these can be smokescreen excuses for why people hesitate to go play in the ocean. Don’t think that to be “at the beach” you have to be like passive observers in the Corona beer commercials. There are other options. If you feel bored at the beach, go jump in. Make yourself dive headfirst into the waves. You'll feel wide awake after that.